Dear readerAs I noted in a previous column, my daughter, Lisi, will take care of writing duties a few times a week. Enjoy his perspective on today’s issues. —Ellie
QMy daughter’s friend has terrible skin. Her face is covered with red bumps, plump whiteheads, and patches of blackheads. The “gatherer” in me wants to go like crazy. Don’t worry – I don’t. But I despair of helping him!
It breaks my heart that she is not noticed or helped around the house. She’s a new friend so I don’t know the family.
She’s calm and I think not being so embarrassed by her face will help her overcome her shyness. I don’t want to scare him. It is soft.
Aspiring skin doc
ACongratulations on your restraint! I understand.
Teenage skin has a mind of its own – a dead giveaway from the hormones raging inside children. Of course, the best course of action for really bad skin is to seek the advice of a dermatologist, which I am not.
Our skin is also a direct reflection of what we eat, so maybe this girl doesn’t have good eating habits. But you can start with basic hygiene.
How about asking your daughter to invite her friend over for a sleepover? It’s okay for your daughter to demonstrate her own nightly cleansing routine, maybe even “lend” her some products.
You have good intentions, but exercise caution, especially since you don’t know what his home life is like.
QMy friend is going through a pretty tough divorce. She has two little girls aged seven and nine whom she adores. We have health issues that are manageable…if managed properly. Her mother has always been the one who was aware of medications (dose and timing), doctor’s appointments, and fully aware of when her daughter is “off.”
Husband works long hours and is not on the ball. Even when they were happily married, he forgot to give his daughter her medication or didn’t recognize the changing symptoms. And he was never able to work his schedule to attend appointments after the initial diagnosis and treatment plan was in place.
Now her husband’s attorney is adamantly asking for 50% custody, even though it’s clear he has no flexibility in his schedule.
My friend literally falls ill with anxiety for the health and well-being of her daughters, if and when they are in her sole custody. She has incredible support with her loving and current parents; two siblings with cousins who all grew up with his daughters; and friends ready to participate whenever necessary. He has none of that.
How can I convince the courts not to give him custody? I can’t watch my friend in panic mode without trying something.
AEven if you want to do well, you have to withdraw. Let the courts and lawyers do their job.
You can ask your friend if her attorney would be willing to hear from you based on giving her information she wouldn’t share – for example, she’s suffering from hair and weight loss due to anxiety, or to specific incidents where the father was (not deliberately) negligent.
You are a good friend. But that’s not your fight. As long as the children are healthy and loved, everything will go as it should. If at any time you see/feel they are in danger, you must speak up.
FEEDBACKRegarding the “Fit and Healthy” couple (June 7):
“I was amazed at their smugness. The pandemic has been very difficult for many people’s mental health, which can affect relationships and fitness levels. For example, I struggled with depression, anxiety, stress, and burnout, and gained weight trying to cope and get through each day.
“My main form of exercise (and stress relief and community) was group activity which was off for two years. I also took antidepressants, which had the side effect of gaining weight. (The weight gain can also occur after injury or illness, such as COVID, when exercise becomes more difficult.)
“If this couple is unaware of each other’s struggles, they may have been lucky, but they could practice being more graceful and less judgmental.”